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5 things to do when no one's
at the office
The last week of December is the busiest time of
the year for customer service reps who are fielding calls from customers
whose gifts don't work. For most other office workers, this week is
dead. And if you are in the office this week, you are probably looking
for something to do.
Make a plan
Here's the first thing to do: Devise a plan for how to get
out of working this week next year. Movers and shakers do not get
swindled into working during this notoriously slow time of year.
People who run out of vacation days work this week. People who have
unreasonable bosses work this week. People in control of their jobs
are at home licking their chops. You need more control over your
job.
Hit on someone in customer service
Have you had your eye on the customer service rep on the floor
below yours? Now's the time to make your move because you know your
target is at work this week. Saunter down to his desk around lunchtime
and invite him to the cafeteria. No one will be there because service
reps are eating at their desk and everyone else is eating in their
grandma's living room. So you will have an intimate date at the
cafeteria, and if the person goes ballistic that you hit on him
at the office, you can say, "How can you think I was hitting
on you? We were in the cafeteria, for goodness sakes." (Warning:
It is not illegal to hit on someone at work. But I definitely do
not recommend that you bug someone relentlessly or hit on someone
whom you have authority over.)
Give yourself a bonus
You know all the cookies and candy that vendors sent to the
office last week? Well, it's still there, getting a little more
stale every day. So do everyone a favor and take some home. Think
of it as a perk for showing up to work during what is, essentially,
a holiday.
Surf
I like the Borowitz report Web site. My husband thinks it's
stupid and would tell you to go to the Onion. You might think this
has nothing to do with your career, but my brother interviewed for
a job in London and made an off-the-cuff reference to an Onion article
and the interviewer said, "Oh, I read that one, too."
So it is important to surf so that you can establish rapport during
your interviews. Do not go to porn sites. The people who monitor
your surfing habits can get to you even if they are not at work
this week. Besides, porn surfing is not a reliable way to establish
interview rapport.
Sleep
Everyone wants to sleep at his or her desk, but few people
do it. In fact, I would say that more people have sex at their desks
than sleep at their desks. Sleep is the new forbidden frontier of
office debauchery. So go ahead. After all, there's no one around
right now. Have a lunch laden with carbohydrates and go back to
your desk as your sugar crash sets in. Now put your head gingerly
on your desk, maybe on top of a pile of scruffy papers, and close
your eyes. You have earned this treat -- you showed up to the office
between Christmas and New Year's.
-- Posted: Dec. 29, 2003
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